


Love, Morals, and Resurrection

by zoingeroni



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Dark Brotherhood Questline, Dragonborn (Elder Scrolls), F/F, F/M, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 08:34:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19808626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoingeroni/pseuds/zoingeroni
Summary: Sometimes, you just gotta accept what happened. Move on with your life and hope to heal along the way. And other times, you gotta stick your middle finger to character development, play god, and overhaul the system.





	1. Fever

**Author's Note:**

> This is a collection of separate posts I made a long time ago when I first played through the Dark Brotherhood.

Am I still a moral person? Am I still Lienne?

The first kill was easy enough. He was a cruel murderer and proud rapist. The world is better off without him. But Astrid’s apathy toward who I’d kill…that was unsettling.

The second kill was the toughest. I had spoken to her. I had sold metal to her. What was so bad about her that she deserved death? I hid and sat on a flat rock above the smelter, shot an arrow at her…then I summoned a dremora to take care of her…and I was so relieved, I thought it was over, but the dremora killed the witness guard. An innocent guard! My bounty is for a mere physical assault now, and I'm supposed to be glad.

The third kill was easy. He was sleeping near a river away from prying eyes. Am I pathetic for killing a sleeping man?

The fourth one was also easy. I poisoned an arrow and hid in his own house while he stared at the river. One hit and he died instantly. The townspeople did not find out even though they were right on the other side of the river.

Next, I killed three people for whom I had no idea what they did wrong, if anything at all. A few months ago, this would have been unacceptable. But now…a sort of fever has overcome me. Ever since I saw Cicero, a spunky, curious clown who needed my help fixing a cart, I knew he was the one for me. I had to be in his life. I got an insider tip that he worked for the Dark Brotherhood….and so, here I am. An assassin. I was but a petty thief, but no more. I had to see Cicero again.

And I did! He finally came to the Sanctuary, thanks to my help! I was starstruck in front of him. Then I embarrassed myself by not knowing about the Night Mother! I backed up while saying goodbye, and ran into a wall. Regardless, I’m sure my favor has helped us begin at a good place.

Don’t get me wrong…I love Brelyna Maryon. I plan to marry her…after saving the College of Winterhold. And then, afterward, well…she will stay at our house, and I will travel the world with Cicero. Brelyna is a wonderful partner…but she just does not have the same effect on me. Brelyna may be my wife, the one with whom I hold the sacred bond of marriage, but Cicero will be the one I spend the rest of my life with.

Look at me…talking about emotional cheating and morally ambiguous murders. This isn’t me. Is it?

"Mama, we all go to hell…"


	2. Disturbed

I don’t know who I am anymore.  
  
The fifth kill was simple. He was the head of a bandit group, already hostile to me. I was asked to kill another person, but I didn’t. Betch, people fall out of friendship, turn on each other, become petty enemies all the time. Happens to all of us. I’m not killing anyone over that.  
  
The sixth kill was pointless. He was merely a subpar musician. I snuck into his room and shot him in his sleep. No one in the inn knew what was going on.  
  
The seventh kill was cowardly. I had no intention on splitting up a loving couple, so I killed them both. I hid in the rocks and shot the wife from behind. Then I summoned a dremora and ran away, far, far away. When I came back, I could find the body of the guy I was ordered to kill, but not the wife’s body. And now I have to walk by that forsaken place, and be harassed by the frightened woman who has taken up residence there, every time I head north.  
  
And well…I don’t belong in the Sanctuary. One of the members killed his wife because she made a bath lukewarm instead of tepid… I am deeply disturbed. Two of the members say that the Brotherhood gives them purpose. But do they understand they are taking away purpose in loved ones’ lives, often over petty things?  
  
I know…I know. Cicero isn’t any different. Just another morally deprived assassin. But he’s…he’s truly not the same. I can’t explain it. Pursuing him…this is a decision made from passion, not logic.  
  
I read what the Black Sacrament ritual, the act which summons us into action, entails…another life. Stabbed to death. Just more visions to haunt my nights. I also read a book from someone who was forcibly recruited…he sounded horrified for his deeds and terrified for his life. I’ve no idea how his life ended. Just when I was beginning to accept my place in the Brotherhood, his journal zapped me back into reality.  
  
I’ve blood on my hands. I don’t know how much longer I can think of myself as a good person. Someone who doesn’t deserve to be hurt or killed. I may be someone completely different the next time I write.


	3. Sacrifice

What have I gotten myself into? Now it’s not just a moral dilemma. My entire future is on the line!  
  
My life plan was simple. Marry Brelyna Maryon. Get a house in Solitude. Join the Imperial Legion. Figure out what the hell this dragonborn stuff is about.  
  
And recently, travel the world with Cicero. But it looks like I will have to sacrifice everything else to achieve his favor.  
  
The eighth kill was the emperor’s cousin. In Solitude. She was so happy. The town I want to reside in. She said her dreams had come true. I snuck above the balcony and shot her. I could’ve left, but then I shot her husband and gained a bounty. I couldn’t handle the husband’s screams of grief. Call me a romantic. My bounty may be paid, and the guards may have been bribed to keep quiet, but I know they will always keep an eye on me now.  
  
The ninth kill was difficult, but skilled. He was the son of the head security for the emperor. I hid in my room’s balcony and shot him three times: paralyzed, poisoned, straight shot. It happened before anyone understood what was going on. The actual act was thrilling. And then I snuck a fake treason note in his pocket. I’ve gone beyond pointless kills now. Manipulating the head security by dishonoring his own child’s death…it’s downright cruelty.  
  
And next…they want me to kill the emperor! Of all of Tamriel! I’m going to join the Imperial Legion, but I have to help kill the emperor! I am not exaggerating when I say I am in the worst possible circumstance.  
  
Brelyna doesn’t know what I do. I tell her to wait far outside town while I do the Dark Brotherhood’s business. But now…the emperor’s cousin…my timing…not encouraging her to attend the wedding…I think she’ll catch on eventually.  
  
I don’t want to lose her, but I need to get close to Cicero. I need to gain Cicero. He is The One. His company captures me like no other. There is no one else like him in all of Skyrim. In all of Tamriel. I have a singular main goal now. I must stay in the Brotherhood.


	4. Hollow

They want me to kill Cicero!! Every single one of them!!  
  
Apparently he “snapped” and tried to kill Astrid. I say this with skepticism because it was only a matter of time before he got frustrated with the way things run around here.

If this was the Dark Brotherhood in its glory days, Astrid would be happy that the Night Mother and Listener are back. I mean, the Night Mother’s report of Amaund Motierre made it clear that they don’t telepathically know *all* of the Black Sacrament rituals. And Falkreath is the only location now; the Night Mother might actually bring us some more recruits.

But Astrid’s not happy! Her empty assurance that she should've welcomed the Night Mother doesn’t fool me. She fears me. She wants her own crew. Might as well be called Astrid & Co., Cicero and Lienne need not apply.  
  
They may think I’m going to avenge the assaults against them, but I don’t care. Their concern for each other...minus Festus...feels hollow knowing how giddily they slay others, others who also have people who care about them, for much lesser offenses than just tainting the name of an organization. I plan to help Cicero in whatever way possible, make it clear that I’m on his side.


	5. Beyond Hope

Cicero was dying! Arnbjorn had stabbed him near-fatally!  
  
Finally, I had someone on my side. Lucien told me that killing Cicero wasn’t what Sithis wanted, that there was some “disturbance”. This just further reminds me that Astrid & Co. aren’t the Dark Brotherhood and are beyond hope. If only Lucien could stay in the physical realm longer...  
  
The worst part was that Cicero was certain I had come to kill him! He sounded so panicked and broken down…it made my heart skip a beat. I rushed to hold him and heal him, and explained that I 100% understood and supported him.  
  
And then I went back and told Astrid I had killed him. She can pretend she’s the top dog of this place…for now. But I’m never looking at any of them the same way again, all who turned their backs on Cicero, on the ways of the Dark Brotherhood. If Cicero dies…you can bet Astrid & Co. will be replaced.


	6. Sold Out

Something has gone terribly wrong!

It was the plot to kill the emperor. I was going to poison him, so I first had to kill the person posing as his chef, and then the chef himself: The Gourmet. I shot them both in their sleep, and then I ice spiked The Gourmet’s body behind some barrels to conceal him. I realized he probably would’ve been lost longer if I had just killed him outside and pushed him into the lake, instead of committing the deed inside where the customers and employees were…oh well i guess.

I went back to the sanctuary and read another one of Cicero’s journals. There was a passage that implied he killed a child! I threw away my morality and future for a child killer…sighs…

And then I was all set up to kill the emperor. But I went across the Dragon Bridge and found a guard’s body, and I realized Brelyna had killed him, back when we were running away after I killed Vittoria Vici. Just another innocent soul to add to the tally.

And so, I poisoned the food and killed the “emperor”, and unfortunately, Astrid & Co. killed the cook. I cursed myself and realized I should have told her to run away. Next, I was heading toward the side exit of Solitude, as Astrid had directed, but no deal! The head security stopped me, whose son I killed by the way. He told me someone in the Dark Brotherhood had sold me out, and the “emperor” was just an impostor! After fleeing the town, I swam across the lake and ran away, unimaginably upset.

I came back to the swamp where I had left Brelyna, all panicked, and she confessed she knew what I had been doing. It wasn’t that hard to figure out; the location, the timing, the rumors. I was sure our relationship was going to end right there, but she said she’d follow me regardless. She is not quite as…morally inclined as I had believed.

I am heading back to the sanctuary right now. Shadowmere is nowhere to be found, so I fear the worst for Astrid. I am not sure what my next entry will entail, and I am worried.


	7. Neutral

I am a changed person. Nothing has impacted me as much in my time here in Skyrim. No, in my life. Not discovering the Eye of Magnus, not saving a town from a sadistic deity, not learning the thu'um, not even slaying dragons.

When I came back to the sanctuary, members from the emperor’s security all attacked me. I had the misfortune of finding Festus pinned to a tree by many arrows. When I went inside, I realized the head security had not been metaphorical when he said the sanctuary was burning. They had poured oil everywhere and and started fires. I became even more panicky as I realized I had many prized possessions inside. I fortunately was able to save both of my stashes and Cicero’s journals, but in the process I found Arnbjorn, Gabriella, and Veezara dead. I thought I had no sentiment for these apathetic, immoral people, but I guess I didn't know myself well enough.

I found an alive Nazir who admitted he didn’t know what was going on. Luckily, I was able to save myself by entering the Night Mother’s coffin. I admit I was more terrified than I have ever been, but I awoke to Nazir and Babette, and a parched, ruined sanctuary.

And Astrid….oh, Astrid. I found her charred, dying body. She confessed that she had sold me out. I was a little perplexed since I thought Astrid had very much wanted the emperor dead, but I can’t say I was particularly surprised. I knew she was scared of me undermining her authority. She said the emperor’s security had promised to leave the Dark Brotherhood alone forever if she sold me out, so I can understand why she did it. Although she was obviously being naive.

But she was truly repentant, and that’s what really got to me. Her tone of voice was heavy with guilt and the knowledge that she had ruined her new family. I think I softened the blow as I told her the others were healing in the back, since I couldn’t bear to explain the truth. And then…she asked for her death to mean something; the Black Sacrament. She begged me to kill her and complete the contract by killing the emperor. I know she scorned my and Cicero’s positions in the Brotherhood, and tried to get me killed, but still I cried as I ice spiked her.

And then, the emperor. I had to get his location from the contractor. He assumed I wanted to get revenge on the head of security, but I did no such thing; the man had found out I killed his son and ruined his family name, after all, so I understood his anger. Instead, I swam out to the boat that contained the emperor and boarded through a hidden entrance. I unfortunately had to kill some of the passengers; I admit my stealth is not exactly top notch.

I broke into the emperor’s quarters expecting to shoot him in his sleep, as it was early morning. But instead, he was sitting at his chair, saying he was expecting me. He had already accepted his death! He knew he couldn’t escape the Dark Brotherhood. I was so stunned by his calm disposition that I wondered if I could even go forward with it. But I guess I wanted to gain some reputation back for the godforsaken Dark Brotherhood. We had a chat about how I was forcibly recruited and had tossed out my morality in the process. In return, he told me about his own military pursuits and regrets.

Afterwards, he stood by the window and looked outside, and I shot him in his back. I was so unsettled that I left a note about how he kept his dignity even when faced with death, and that he deserved to be remembered as a brave man.

Then when I swam back to land, Shadowmere appeared and I almost cried. I will take good care of them in Astrid’s absence.

And in return for fulfilling Astrid’s dying wish, I fulfilled the emperor’s dying wish: killing the contractor. At that point, I had no guilt. The scum only wanted chaos in the empire, and he indirectly led to the downfall of the Dark Brotherhood…to the downfall of Astrid. I took the opportunity to shoot him in a sneak attack. He yelled, “But we had a deal!” as he died. The Dark Brotherhood’s kinda gone, mister! Deal’s off!

The last business was collecting my reward. 20k gold! I finally have enough to buy that house in Solitude, and have money leftover!

It’s…just too bad that spending time in Solitude….will never feel the same as when I first was awestruck by its beauty.

And with this, I leave the Dark Brotherhood. Good riddance! I’m not completing those last contracts Nazir gave me. No, I have dragons to slay, a college to save, a destiny to fulfill.

And my morality? I am not a good person anymore. I am morally neutral. I am tougher, more experienced, more prepared to face the heinous. I’m not afraid to get my hands dirty. I try to avoid injustices, but first and foremost I care about my desires.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a house to buy and wife to wed. And pretty soon I will achieve the whole reason I wanted to join the Brotherhood in the first place: traveling the world with Cicero.


	8. Process

Adjusting to normal life has been…difficult. I knew my mood would plummet after killing Astrid and the emperor, so I wanted to plunge immediately into establishing my domestic life. Brelyna Maryon was concerned that Solitude held too many…murderous associations, but I thought it all the better to accumulate new associations. I heard a tip that doing favors for the Blue Palace fancy pants folks could get me a house, so I cleared out a cave for them.

But it seems my recent past is not going to just fade away. A guard said he recognized me and said, “Hail Sithis!” which caused me quite the freak out. My heart skipped a beat when I heard an unsheathing of a sword, only to realize the guards were practicing. I couldn’t breathe when I walked past the Penitus Oculatus. In the cave, I summoned Lucien to help…I don’t know what I expected. The excited bloodlust and constant reminders that I’m the Listener were not welcome.

Truthfully…I killed more people in the cave that day than in my entire time in the Dark Brotherhood. I’m still trying to process what this means. And I killed numerous innocent people as the Listener, yet the one I think of the most is Astrid. Is she in the Void serving Sithis? Is her human form no more, is she just a vessel for worship? Does the Void even exist? I can’t cope with the possibility that the last moments of her existence were just misery…

Brelyna wants us to investigate more of this Dragonborn business. Maybe a new, philanthropic purpose will be therapeutic for me. Shadowmere, at least, has been a positive, loyal constant, and leaves me with a shred of Astrid still remaining.


	9. Mine

Sometimes, you just gotta accept what happened. Learn from your mistakes and keep them in mind for future scenarios. Move on with your life and hope to heal along the way. Become a stronger, wiser person for living with this new pain.

And other times, you gotta stick your middle finger to character development, play god, and overhaul the system.

I was fortunate to discover my ultimate power, resurrection. And my first act was obvious. Astrid. I rushed to the Falkreath sanctuary and resurrected her. I was terrified that I was wrong about the extent of my powers and that nothing would happen. But she appeared right in front of me, breathing and healthy! Despite how we weren’t exactly close during my time in the Brotherhood…I still embraced her tightly.

She…wasn’t quite as affectionate. Called me an idiot who broke her rules. Just as cold as ever! I missed her dearly. But, hell, I don’t care if she still considers me her arch rival for the rest of her life. I’m just glad knowing that she’s alive and happy with her husband.

And yes, that does mean I resurrected Arnbjorn. And everyone else, even the giant spider. The family is back! And I hope Astrid is wiser and less vindictive now, knowing where bitterness can lead.

Ultimately, they decided to stay at the Falkreath Sanctuary. It’ll be good for the Dark Brotherhood to have multiple locations. I’m gonna continue helping them tidy up the place, so hopefully it will look as good as new soon!

My next natural step was resurrecting innocent people I had killed, directly or indirectly, for my contracts. I escaped before they regained full consciousness, as I knew they probably would continue to defend themselves if they recognized me.

I almost cried when I saw Vittoria walk to work. This beautiful woman who just wants peace will now get married and start a loving family, as if I had never been contracted to kill her.

For most of them, I left a note explaining that the Dark Brotherhood was reformed. Nowadays, we will still be fulfilling contracts: if and when we felt like it. Furthermore, an entire life would no longer be needed for the Black Sacrament; just some blood. Killing someone for a murder contract–now that’s just silly!

The only ones I didn’t let go scot-free were the emperors. See…the Brotherhood still needs to flaunt its power. Otherwise, this mass resurrection would probably be assumed to be failed temporary kidnappings. I ordered them to hide and live the rest of their lives in obscurity. Of course, Titus had a comfy place set up in case he ever needed to drop off the face of the earth, and he was quite satisfied to hear that the scum Amaund Motierre was fatally pierced with a poisoned arrow. His dethronement had not gone unpunished.

Before this power…I wanted nothing more to do with the Dark Brotherhood. I panicked at any reminder that I was technically still the Listener, not wanting to carry the mental weight of the injustices and brutal endings with me. But now, the Brotherhood will not be the world’s lackey. I will personally sort through the contracts to decide which ones are in need of murder and which ones are clearly minor grudges. We will make mistakes, but I quite fancy the thought of our organization enacting justice where laws prevent citizens from doing so.

And now, the Dark Brotherhood isn’t the Night Mother’s. Nor is it Sithis’s. Nor is it Astrid’s.

The Dark Brotherhood is mine.


End file.
